Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
