I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
