Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
