Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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