Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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