you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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