Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
