You really coming over, don't trick.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
