he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
