I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
