we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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