Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Two words: nipple clamps
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