i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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