The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
