I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
