I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Green mimosas i think yes
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
