Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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