put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
