Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
