Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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