Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
