Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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