I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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