spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
