pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
