i may or may not be watching the land before time
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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