I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
