garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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