help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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