i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
