I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
