I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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