grandma shit on top of the toilet
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
