It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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