Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
