if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
