My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
