Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
