people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
