I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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