I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm both gender and math confused
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
