He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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