I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
