His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we're chasing vodka with high fives
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
