I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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