Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
