Little spoons don't ask big questions
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
