she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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