I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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