Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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