you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
