So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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