why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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