she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
