i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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