he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
being pregnant is like rehab
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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