this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
