What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
