Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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