Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
so much tequila, so little girl.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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