The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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