he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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