this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
