Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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