My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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