i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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