Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
