grandma shit on top of the toilet
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
high people should be assigned attendants
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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