You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
